Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Recovery Is Different For Everyone!

https://nz.pinterest.com/pin/575334921122378705/

Something I've noticed over the years on the online eating disorder recovery communities also with comments on different articles and with some medical professions is I feel like people forget that everyone's recovery is different. What recovery means to someone looks and is different for everybody and also over time what that means and looks like can change and morph.

If in a recovery process of any sort I think it's important to ask yourself "What does recovery mean to me?" and to ask yourself again every so often along your journey. What works and is right for someone else won't necessarily be what is right and works for you on so many levels. Design and tailor your recovery to your needs, what you want out of it, your hopes, dreams and strengths but still be inspired and take ideas from others journeys too.  

I feel like we all to be reminded that it's vital that we respect, understand and support that everyone's different and an individual and so are recoveries.

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Friday, 25 August 2017

Monthly Favourites Glore!

https://www.facebook.com/mindbodygreen/photos/a.188655204371.125638.121006699371/10154536298974372/?type=3&theater
With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Flexibility Within A Dream

https://nz.pinterest.com/pin/301741243760636519/

It's great and important to have direction, goals, dreams and a plan to achieve them though perhaps what is also equally as important is flexibility within that... life isn't a straight line and won't always go the way you hope, want it to or have originally planned and well over time you grow within yourself and so does your knowledge. You find out more about what you love and what you don't, what you're good at and what you're not, who you are and who you are not. Life changes, so will you and sometimes so will those dreams and plans and that's ok.

It's ok to let set ideas go and/or for them to change, it isn't always the most easiest time when this happens but it's ok. Sometimes your dreams and plans end up happening in a slightly different and at times better way and other times they can change altogether which can be a very lost place when you don't know what to do or where to go next. I think finding peace and new direction with this can be found when you look at your core values, interests, strengths, weaknesses and what attracted you to what you wanted in the first place to still create, go after and do something that has meaning and makes you happy... still a dream but flexible in which way you achieve and live out what makes your heart sing and your soul come alive.

With going back to study I have a bit of an idea where I want to go once I'm finished though I'm not set on anything and I'm leaving it an open book for now. A part of me is scared about this, a part of me excited and a part of me just quietly says "It's ok not to know, it's ok to have it open, it's ok to take it one day at a time." This is a different way of thinking and attitude for me as I'm usually a planner and attach myself to set goals and dreams which necessarily isn't a bad thing though in saying this I'm often not good at having flexibility within that which can turn my attachment into something not so good and I think over the last few years I was kind of breaking my own heart by not allowing myself flexibility and openness in which I then proceed to feel like I failed (failure isn't a bad thing mind you), wasn't capable, was useless and overall not feel so good about myself.

This time though I'm open and flexible and that's ok and I'm ok with that. If anything I feel it's an important lesson to learn in life... flexibility within a dream. 

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Monday, 21 August 2017

Rest Days

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/401735229250584584/

Something I've struggled with in my fitness journey is taking rest days, while I've made lots and lots of progress over the years in my journey, a part of me wasn't fully happy with my progress. While I wouldn't excessively train on my "rest days" I would much to all the trainers I've had objections would train my abs and then down the line I converted to high incline treadmill walking for 20 minutes- I wouldn't and felt like I couldn't take a rest day... in my head more equalled better results, getting it done each day meant results and I was dedicated and it is my "me" time, a time I LOVE and enjoy, a time to get my anger and stress out and through out the years exercise has helped me cope with eating and given me a reason to eat and be ok with that- it has helped give me trust with food knowing that it's helping to fuel my exercise, fuel growing muscle or dropping body fat and strength.

Though ultimately not taking rest days can most definitely derail and harm progress and once upon time as I found out lead to injuries when I struggled to find balance and not being able to learn how to substitute extra exercise sessions.

Too much and/or too intense exercise frequently can keep your cortisol levels (your stress hormone) raised which can encourage body fat storage and break down of muscle along with many other health issues including fatigue and loss of period- this goes for both physical and emotional stress. I highly recommend reading these articles:

Seemingly this may go against what you know, learnt, heard and have ingrained in your brain... more doesn't always mean better.

I thought maybe after all these years just maybe I was making it harder for myself.... harder to grow muscle, maybe putting my body in state where it was holding on to fat and breaking down muscle- along with the fact I use to slash my calories after being in a muscle building phase and surplus of calories because I struggled so much with my body and the extra bit of fat that you gain during this period which is a part of building muscle. Slashing calories like that can lead to damaging your metabolism and binging. Slow tapering down of food is the way to go and same goes the other way to grow muscle... slow tapering up.

I've had to drill into my brain that taking rest days are important and again learning to cope with the uncomfortable feelings and fears it brings up... in which the automatic response is to run back to comfort and to what I know, also trying to learn and acknowledge what's underneath those feelings?...what drives them?...

Honestly I had to do things my way and not fully listen to my trainers for over 5 years (Yes it has taken that long!) before realising maybe it's not the best thing- I can have a hard time trusting people when it comes to food and exercise and for me at least I've had to make the mistakes I have to learn otherwise.

After realising it was maybe time to try something different and step outside my line and having a talk with my trainer-who had always encouraged rest days...I just never listened...ha! we came up with a plan and I turned 1 out of my 2 rest days into a general yoga day and then over the next coming weeks turned my 2nd rest day into a general yoga day too. I adjusted my food intake down just to be a bit more at ease with the change and put it back up when I was ok with how it was going.

I didn't gain a bunch of weight really quickly, I was actually in a muscle building process while doing this and by the end of it, I ended up weighing the highest I have in a very long time but being leaner than I was in my last muscle building phase.

Though that's not to say it was smooth sailing from there, while going into my leaning down process to drop body fat and maintain muscle- I had been struggling with my eating disorder issues for awhile set off with life being a struggle and while at this point it was extra set off and I was also struggling with my body with the bit of extra fat gain from building muscle...I thought I was going to have a massive breakdown and go into a self destructive phase and destroy myself with restricting food if I didn't acknowledge and open up to the fact I was struggling. I was starting to add in extra exercise sessions and not take my rest days to desperately get rid of the extra body fat and I was so close to going full on open season on myself once more with everything. Though a part of me didn't want that and a part of me knew that was not the answer. When I caught up with my trainer I told him what extras I was adding in and that I was struggling and he again had to let me know that more doesn't equal better and that I could be over stressing my body which wasn't going to help me. 

With that we came up with a plan of an active rest day of a 20 minute stroll (Not high incline treadmill walking ha!) and a bit of yoga if I wanted too and one full rest day which I could do some basic stretching if I wanted too. My trainer also said again it takes time, just has it has for me to grow muscle it takes time to drop body fat and same could be said for any true results you want without some extreme pendulum effect.

Through out this it reiterated to me if I'm struggling I need to speak up and say so to the people who can help me and well I've learnt and I'm still learning that rest days are not the devil and you're not a hero for not taking them, it in fact could be negatively effecting the results you are working towards and wanting by not taking them.

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Even Barbie Has Her Secrets... (A Tribute To Melanie Martinez)


Once upon a time
A story as old as dime
It's such a bloody crime
One that deserves unlimited fines until it fucks off and dies
It all started when Barbie and Ken
Met The Joneses who had pristine roses
And lived what seemed to be the all American dream topped with delicious whipped cream
Plastered fake smiles, cocaine sugar piles and black and blueberry battery dials in a state of denial with one too many files
They wouldn't dear show it and you wouldn't dear know it
Unless you took a moment to stop and smell the roses would you then be aware of the poses that are corrosive and their inflamed noses
Adorned by many if not all
Though the question reminds which ones were around in the fall?

Jealous of their status and unknowingly socially contrived lies of perfect times
Barbie and Ken built empire lives on birthday cake highs and the poses right under their noses just to keep up with those Joneses
White picket fences around excessively expensive homes
Oh and that hot pink convertible with a puppy in tow
Topped with a one stop shop beauty standard that's anything but their own
Based on admiration by a nation that will affect generations
Everything's just handy dandy when you've gotta be seen to be seen
Little do we all know about the afflictions that go down in the kitchens of the riches...

Trading morality for popularity and picture perfect shallowness
All these plastics thinking it's happiness
Stuck acid tripping on lollipop lies that'll be sure to leave them fried
It's what happens when you're hypnotized into idolizing such a glamorized premeditated enterprise
Then we wonder why everyone dies

You can take your pretty false image and shove it up your ass, up your ass, ta-ta, ha-ha

Oh would you look at that, look at that
Bloodstained white picket fences
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh
Behind her so called flawless complexion
Of confection perfection, just check her freezer
A yummy taste teaser of dissected red velvet hearts
She's a master of all the parts and I heard she quite likes tarts
Cannibalism of humanism hash tag materialism!
Oh would you look at that, look at that
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh

Now we have social media at every motion, fingertip disposal
Humble brag, such a drag that makes us all wanna gag
Tag you're it, Tag, Tag you're it...
Selfie obsessed, here to impress and secretly depressed 
Tinder swiping, bumpin' and grinding
Glued on tight, addicted for life one sip from a sippy cup at a time
Gotta get them likes and those right swipes
Artificial, superficial expialidocious!
Welcome to the fairy tale
That's become the Holy Grail you've come to hail
King fail, Bling Ring trail
Here's something you've missed
Ever afters don't exist
Castles are built from solid bricks
Not just from hard ass dicks and pussy licks
Beauty pageant contest mixed with a need for conquest
One more snap to double tap and fap, click clap kapow, do you need a towel?, who's up for another round?
Instafame, Facebook game, Twitter name, Snapchat so lame
Another click for the cliques and fuck boy pricks
No one wants to see a pic with your stick, you lunatic!
Gotta be that rich bitch
Sassy and classy
Who's yet all so subtle and chic
Hit that niche, eyebrows on fleek, CLINK
What are you going to do when you're not at your peak? 
Crying in fickle love
Now your mascaras all fucked up ta-da, ha-ha
Pity Party for one, what fun!
Milk and Cookies hun?
Here's to the carousel play date fa├žade you've been spun!  

Trading morality for popularity and picture perfect shallowness
All these plastics thinking it's happiness
Stuck acid tripping on lollipop lies that'll be sure to leave them fried
It's what happens when you're hypnotized into idolizing such a glamorized premeditated enterprise
Then we wonder why everyone dies

You can take your pretty false image and shove it up your ass, up your ass, ta-ta, ha-ha

Oh would you look at that, look at that
Bloodstained white picket fences
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh
Behind her so called flawless complexion
Of confection perfection, just check her freezer
A yummy taste teaser of dissected red velvet hearts
She's a master of all the parts and I heard she quite likes tarts
Cannibalism of humanism hash tag materialism!
Oh would you look at that, look at that
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh

Barbie see, Barbie do
So tell me now, tell me how, cause I call foul
Why you all try to be just like her?
Be in trend and beauty blend with a cute plastic boyfriend
Life is just so fucking fantastic
When you're suffocating in a bubble gum casket
Damn this society is incredibly tragic
When you're told you're unattractive and unaccepted
When you're anything other than the idealistic form of plastic
Mrs Potato Head fans where you at? ha-ha

Trading morality for popularity and picture perfect shallowness
All these plastics thinking it's happiness
Stuck acid tripping on lollipop lies that'll be sure to leave them fried
It's what happens when you're hypnotized into idolizing such a glamorized premeditated enterprise
Then we wonder why everyone dies

You can take your pretty false image and shove it up your ass, up your ass, ta-ta, ha-ha

Oh would you look at that, look at that
Bloodstained white picket fences
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh
Behind her so called flawless complexion
Of confection perfection, just check her freezer
A yummy taste teaser of dissected red velvet hearts
She's a master of all the parts and I heard she quite likes tarts
Cannibalism of humanism hash tag materialism!
Oh would you look at that, look at that
Even Barbie has her secrets, has her secrets, shhhhh

Thank god I spoke and I ain't gonna wash my mouth out with soap
I'll keep blowing bubbles and I don't fucking care if I cause trouble
Cry baby, cry baby go back to your dollhouse that you bought with your blood money, blood money
Oh you don't think I'm that fucking dumb do you Alphabet boys and girls?
The games you play and the toys that lead you astray, don't you ever put them away?
Know wonder why the crazies make me feel sane and all the normals make me afraid

You can take your pretty false image and shave it up your ass, up your ass, ta-ta, ha-ha


With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Monday, 14 August 2017

A Clear Up...

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/387380005432231130/

I've shared a lot on the internet... though in my want to help and inspire others sometimes I think too much or things that were at times unnecessary and well with that and in general I decided it was time for a clear up and some change. I've had this blog for over 4 years and of course through that time I've grown, my way of writing has changed and improved and so have some of my view points and understanding of things. Some of my posts have been messy and so have some of the photos to go along with them... I use to stand on my bed for up to an hour trying to get a non blur photo because of where my window in one of my rooms was ha!. For some things I've posted it has just been time to let them go and hit delete, others I just don't feel they need to be shared anymore though being the internet you never know how they might reappear or where you can still find them...This blog and the things I've shared and created have most definitely grown, helped and inspired me and my main goal has always been for this for others too.

In saying this I've also been on a rampage of clearing out my life... from detagging myself from photos on my social media, deleting and detagging posts, to deleting friends, unfollowing pages and people- I'm being a lot more selective about what and who I want to see in my timeline. I also decided to delete my Facebook blog page and just post the posts that I want on my own personal profile and keep the rest of my content here on this blog. I also had a clearing out my Youtube channel and well countlessly cleared out my room of rubbish and things that I have moved on from.

Sometimes you need a savage life clear up and out which can be rather therapeutic especially when life has hit you hard and you need to re-evaluate, revamp, rebuild and move on.

Do you need to have a life clear up and out?

With love and hope
Rainbow :) xoxo

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Tinkerbell/Neverland Inspired Hair!


Night, night, sleep tight
Let’s hope to take flight and make sure no pirates win a fight
Can you see the little light?
...
Of Miss Shine Bright
And the sights within sight?
As we fly higher and higher
Leaving behind the world we once knew
And welcoming back the home
We well and truly know
Returning to the lie of the land
So say hello there, here we are Neverland!

I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
No matter what they say
They can’t take my kid away
I’ll never grow up
Through each and every endeavour, no matter the weather
I am Pan; I take a stand for this land
Follow my shadow, a friend in hand
Creation of imagination the ultimate destination
I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
I say never, I am forever!

Lost boys, lost girls, oh you poor wee lost kids
Faith, trust and pixie dust is an utter must
When life becomes tragic
The power of your magic
Holds within it to overturn the 7 seas
I hope you can all see, just believe pretty please!
I don’t want you to die, it’s okay to cry and I know you all can fly
You can come back from the brink
Even you little Tink
I pinky winky swear, you can all make it through my dears
Even if your souls are broken and you’re moppin’
Livin’ life tight ropin’
Struggling to cope and losing hope
Just believe pretty please
Faith, trust and pixie dust
Can create a world wind gust!

I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
No matter what they say
They can’t take my kid away
I’ll never grow up
Through each and every endeavour, no matter the weather
I am Pan; I take a stand for this land
Follow my shadow, a friend in hand
Creation of imagination the ultimate destination
I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
I say never, I am forever!

Lookie lookie here comes Captain Hookie
What a sookie and a cocky coocoo cookie
With his knickers all in a twist, raising a silver fist and seriously pissed
In need of Mummy to sort out his grumpy and shut him up with a dummy
Though I guess life is not happy
When you’re sitting in a nappy with lots of crappy
Stuck in misery
Over lost victories
Funnily enough here comes company
Ahoy there Mr Smee
Aren’t you full of greed?
And me, me, me!
All you need is epiphanies
To go along with your apostrophes and bags of jewellery!
Clap clap, good form, tap tap now it’s all gone!
Bad form, snap, snap! Jab, Jab
Who’s going to get stabby, stab, stabbed?

Click clock, tickety toc
Tickety toc, click clock,
Knock, Knock...
Tick toc, click clock
Along comes the Croc
You’re nowhere near the dock
Tick toc, Click clock
In a state of shock
Your little boats got a rock
Tick toc, click clock
You can’t flock from fate mate
When you’re bait, with a Hook and nothin’ but a bloody crook
We know just who you took!
Say bye, bye to your storybook
Your time is up!
Everyone raise their cups
Yup, this one’s for you my man Rufio
Pan’s here you!

I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
No matter what they say
They can’t take my kid away
I’ll never grow up
Through each and every endeavour, no matter the weather
I am Pan; I take a stand for this land
Follow my shadow, a friend in hand
Creation of imagination the ultimate destination
I’ll never grow up
Forever and ever
I say never, I am forever!

Here I am, home in Neverland.


With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo

Monday, 7 August 2017

Hello...,It's Me!

http://orig10.deviantart.net/4104/f/2013/135/e/0/mlp_gakusei___rainbow_dash_by_fenrixion-d63rqhf.png

I was wondering after all these months you would like to catch up?... ;)

In my previous post I stated things really just weren't working out in my life and it triggered bad depression and my mental health struggles. Over the last few years with things falling apart there have been many times I've been at crawling pace with life... sometimes that's all I've been able to manage and at times not even that, other times I kept pushing forward and at points I was being far too harsh on myself and not giving myself credit and breaks. Through out this time I've felt really lost, was having suicidal thoughts, felt incapable of getting out of this dark hole and keeping myself in somewhat of a place of recovery with my eating disorder and self harm struggles has been painful- recovery is not a straight line nor is it perfect... same goes for life and I'm still working on how to cope with that and acknowledging issues and healing myself... which with such things is always multi-layered and takes a lot of time.

Self love and compassion kind of went out the window a bit... one of the reasons I'm so passionate about it is it can be so easy to lose yourself and lose sight of being kind and looking after yourself and ultimately why it's so important in the first place. I often write like my own mentor on here knowing that I need to hear such things and hoping that it helps and inspires others too.

After what has felt like a really squiggly line and a lot of hurdles I decided to return to study this time to study mental health and addiction in which I'm interested to see where my path with this leads. I'm still struggling with depression but I'm doing alright and just trying to work on getting myself in a better place and building myself back up. My blog for now will no longer have a schedule and I'll just be randomly updating (which sometimes may look like a schedule ha!) and catching up with you guys :)

How are all of you really doing? What happy, sad and exciting things have been happening with you?

Please always know you are never alone in the struggles of life, there are people out there who can help you and it can and does get better. I am with you on this journey too and thank you beautiful people for checking in to see if I was ok and letting me know I have you guys to talk to too, I appreciate it and you guys <3

With hope and love
Rainbow :) xoxo